taking the first steps...

I have been looking into getting Lap band surgery for the past 10+ years but had been talked out of it and hadn't been able to afford it... But were these just excuses of being just plain scared??? You see NO-ONE is able to talk me out of it now i WONT budge and the money thing well i probably could have afforded it if i really tried but in the end i AM ready now SOOOO ready you wouldn't believe... When i decided again to get Lap Banding done was early 2009 after my auntie had it done months before, as well as my best friend (who i might add was one that had been talking me out of it for years..) So i started to try and save some money but unfortunately i was sabotaging myself not making an effort saving, still not changing my eating habits, and not calling the Health Fund to get that on the ball knowing i would have a 12 month wait as i only ever had 'Top Extras" not "Top Hospital". Then early April came around and i got a call from Mum to tell me both her and Dad were getting the lap band done in May (again two more that had been talking me out of the operation for the past 10 years... hmmm). When Mum told me i was angry. Angry for two reasons, 1st was because it had been something id wanted where they clearly hadn't, hence the talking me out of it part, so they were getting what i wanted = annoyed, angry, upset, betrayed, you name it i admit was not happy. 2nd was because my Mum was just that "my Mum", its how iv always known her to be, cuddly mum with nice Teddy bear cuddles, but all in all she was just simply that "My Mum" i didn't want her to change, oddly enough i wasn't as upset for Dad changing but i think that was due to him having allot of health issues at the time that were scaring all of us in how down hill he was going and how fast he was going there... Just for the record though i am now over that and am SO happy for Mum and Dad as it has given them both a new lease on life. Mum who is now more active than ever despite her growing health issues, and her dress sense has come out leaping and bounding, dressing in LADIES clothes not dad's old daggy crap. Dad wow has it helped him, Dad is now no longer insulin dependent for his diabetes and no longer needs a walking stick but the lists go on for him...

But anyway this journey is about me so i leave Mum and Dad alone for now...

On the 19th May i made the call to the health fund to up my coverage from just extras to full hospital cover as the operation is around the $15000 mark and no way known is that affordable to me in any way. So now i had a year of waiting, getting excited and was very annoying to my closest friends telling them over and over again that i was getting it done...

wake up call...

Wednesday September 2nd 2010 about 1.30pm marked a big turning point in my life. This day i realised i was literally killing myself. On this Wednesday i really do not know why my heart did not just give up. It was a warm and very humid day in Townsville and i wanted to go hand my resume in for a new job as all the hours were getting cut right back where i was working at the time due to sending a very large portion of the jobs to the Philippines. I planned to taking my resume in on the Monday after work but i just couldn't be bothered getting out of the car, and to me this was normal and i never questioned myself on this attitude i lived by at the time. I was then going to do it on the Tuesday after work but Michael needed the car that day and i had to go get a blood test done that i had to fast for the night before. That Tuesday was the start of my bad few days but was not the reason for what happened to me on the Wednesday. I got a taxi after work to the pathologist for my blood tests to get a diabetes test as i was feeling shaky just a few days into my shake diet i was trying, to try and lose a bit of weight before i went to see the Dr about getting the lap band done, (you know like the old clean the house before the house cleaner gets there so they don't see how messy you get it...) Well anyway i get my 2 hour tests done then go catch the bus home (remind me never to try and catch a bus on my own as that was a story and a half but I'm not going to go there). With everything that happened that afternoon i didn't get home till after 4.30pm and not eating since dinner the night before and only drinking water all day, boy was i hungry.

Wednesday was my day off so i thought i should get my resume in if i wanted a chance at the job at all. So after slowly getting ready, making myself look half decent i headed into the city.

After doing 3 laps i managed to get a car park near the building only to find out after i went up to the floor i was told to go to was not the right place, it turned out it was not even the right building. I was told to go to the old "Commonwealth Bank" building but seem i found just the old "Commonwealth" building. Whoops easy mistake to do. So back in the car huffing and puffing even know i was 4 car parks from the entrance of the building. I headed down the road to where i needed to go and started to really worry about car parking because the building i needed was in the mall and i would have to walk, yes walk. That word to me was a nasty horrible word, i didn't like saying it, thinking about it and i hated even more doing it because i had gotten myself so unfit from being completely lazy and refusing to park more that 100 meters from where i wanted to go, i had no one else to blame but myself. I drove around the block 5 time's, yes that right 5 times passing car parks on the street even 3 cheap parking lots that any normal human would have taken, but the thought of them being a massive 300-400 meters walk from the entrance of the building i had to go to scared me and i was just about to give up and not go for the job just because i was to lazy to walk that distance the is really not far nor should take me so much effort to do. I noticed on my last trip around that there was a sign behind the post office in the post office car park that said "Through to Mall" so i though excellent lets do that. After parking and then finding out that that is a no longer used entrance i bit the bullet and started walking around to the mall. 100 meters in and my back was letting me know it was there, 200 meters in and the sweat was trickling down my back, i walked a little further and i had to sit because of how out of breath i was and how sore my back was feeling. I had a 5 minute rest and went inside the building to see in the mirror all my makeup was running from the sweat that i had caused not the weather so i ducked into the bathroom to clean myself up, then into the lift i go. The lift only had to go to the 2nd floor and 2 ladies who walked in while i was waiting for the lift came out of the door leading from the stairs they had just used rather than taking the lift, the easy way i had. The desk i needed was just 6 steps from the lift and i mean 6, possibly 8 if you tried but me i was still huffing and puffing even after a 5 minute rest, a stop in the bathroom and standing still in the lift i was still so buggered. Putting on my happy face that i don't normally have to struggle to do, i was finished and had a trial to start in a couple of weeks so it felt worth it in the end. On my way back to the car really really slowly i ducked into a small shop to get a little of their air conditioning and to rest my back as i was in so much pain from walking i was holding back the tears and drenched the the extra sweat it caused me. While in there i found a cheap mortar and pestle, but something tells me this was not a good choice as this is a heavy item and the plastic shopping bag was not strong enough to carry by the handles so not only did i have my handbag and my resume folder i now had a heavy box that i had to carry like a baby. I managed to get up to the corner of the road only 50 meters away but by then the tears came the pain was bad but by then i also felt wobbly in the legs, shaky all over, and physically weak plus very thirsty. There was a shopping trolley next to the building i was next to so i grabbed it and put my thing's in that didn't warrant a trolley but i needed something to lean on. I managed to get to the car park driveway but it was a bit of a blur by this stage, leaving the trolley in the street i stumble down to the car still not sure how my legs got me the rest of the way let alone how i was still breathing. Black spots started to come across my eyes and just got worse the closer i got to the car, then sharp pains started shooting up into my head as if i got an instant migraine as quick as flicking on a switch. Getting to the car i basically threw my things onto the boot of the car as i landed against it myself, holding onto the edge to prevent collapsing to the ground as by this time i felt like my legs were made of jelly. I struggled with the keys in the bottom of my hand bag before managed to open the car tossing my things over to the passenger side then fall into the drivers seat myself. I sat for a bit to pull myself together, getting some feeling back in my legs and shaking off the black spots i was seeing not to mention the sharp pains i had in my head. Yes i did think to call an ambulance but somehow i convinced my self i would be OK, that it was not bad enough and i would just end up looking silly and a hypochondriact. I then decided to drive (i cant believe i did. I didn't have an accident or kill anyone but oh boy i could have... I'm still kicking myself for this) On the way home that i don't remember to much of, i did stop off at Super Cheap Auto to pick up the oil for Michael's scooter he desperately needed and wouldn't be home in time to get it himself. Even with sitting for 10 minutes then the shop another 7 or 8 minutes down the road my legs were still jelly and i was still out of breath. Before leaving the car park to go home i finished the 600ml bottle of powerade i just got in the Auto shop in just 3 goes. After parking the car in the garage i left all my stuff and went and collapsed onto my bed where i slept till Michael got home at around 7pm. All i could manage was a drink and a shower then back to bed at about 9 where i slept till 10am the next morning, sleeping through just about my entire shift that started at 7am and ended at 11.30am.

So that Wednesday September 2nd 2010 at about 1.30pm made me more determined to do something about my weight, it was the wake up call i wish i never needed.

That afternoon scared the hell out of me and to this day i believe i was inches away from dieing.

Mid November we got notice from the Army we were posting from Townsville Nth QLD to Wodonga Vic just 45min drive from where i wanted the operation so that was a BIG plus as i didn't have to wary about extra money for flights and the comfort of being in my own home while healing as well as being away from Michael for so long, this was just prefect...

March came and i celebrated my 30th birthday with family and a few close friends which was really great after being away from family for the past 2 birthdays. The next day on the 4th March i had an appointment to visit the local Dr to get a referral to the Lap Band Dr in Wangaratta Dr Tamaris Hoffman. For me this was the mark of my new life so i picked this date on purpose, and as expected i got the referral i was after with no problems at all, in fact the Dr was so pleased i was willing to have the procedure you could not have asked for a happier Dr...

My appointment was then made to see Dr Hoffman just a few weeks later.