momentary fear...

The 16th March didn't come soon enough i was so excited but at the same time nervous as i had told myself the Dr would have told me it just was not possible while i was so big and to come back once i had shed a few kilo's, when i thought this the fear raced through me thinking i was doomed forever telling myself if i can loose a few kilo's on my own why would i even be going ahead with this. So i did my best not to think of that and stay positive reminding myself that i had seen bigger people on TV that have had the procedure done and all would be ok.

I turned up at the Wangaratta Privet Hospital with my Mum as a support person to help me remember all the questions i had and surly would not remember. We walked in to the rooms to be greated by the loverly ladies behind the counter who knew exactly who i was as my mother had told them all about me during her previous appointments, but it was nice as they made me feel right at home. I had a form (well ALOT of forms) to fill in about myself and family history. Not long after i filled in the forms i was called in by Dr Hoffman to her room, "big breath"...

Dr Tamaris Hoffman welcomed me with the best up most positive attitude, i was taken by surprise on that as most Dr's i see make me feel horrid and 10 times bigger than i am. I know Tamaris had clearly had allot to do with the bigger person but still i had my guards up...

Dr Tamaris followed on with her normal explanation's as she would for all, covering things like what the band will do, how they put the band in, what the band looks and feels like. She also explained how it was a huge lifestyle change but most of all she stressed to me the risks, the complication's for after the operation as well as the risks during the operation. I think if i had not researched the band for so long and never had spoken to other bander's she would have scared the hell out of me, but the only two time's i teared up was when she asked why i wanted to have the operation and when she said its not a problem she would be able to do it as long as i got a yes from the Anaesthetist... Then we asked the question on how much it would cost as people i know who have seen her have gone from $1200 out of pocket to $1500 the following financial year so i was expecting no more than $2000 but then BANG i was hit... $3000 now, but what could i do??? what could i say??? i need this or i could die!!! $3000 or my life so i just had to suck it up and deal with it...