its ok to ask for help...

The morning of my first operation i was at 165kg so with the 20kg Tamaris asked me to loose before the second operation on 22nd September i needed to weigh 145kg. The two weeks after the first operation i gained just over 2kg due to the fluid intake, lack of exercise and even movement, eating things that i ate when i was down in the dumps, and the after effects of the anaesthetic along with the pain medication i was on it all seemed to bind me up. So this meant not only did i have to loose 20kg any more i had to loose 22kg now and 2 less weeks to do it in.

Just 5 weeks after my first operation i had my follow up appointment to make sure i was doing ok and the scars were healing the way they should. I walked into Tamaris' office more nerves than the firsts day i seen her as i was weighing 165kg the same as the morning of my operation, i still had the whole 20kg to loose and instead of 16 weeks i now only had 11 weeks. I had mentioned to Tamaris i had heared of a weight loss drug called Duromine and was interested in giving it a go. Duromine is a pill prescribed to obese people to help them lose weight, it works by blocking hunger signals to the brain, by stimulating the central nervous system, triggering the brain to release chemicals like adrenalin and dopamine, which then suppress hunger and cravings. But should only be taken short term and can have some serious side effects, but i was at a loss and did not know how i was going to manage to lose so much in such a short time, and i refused to postpone the operation as i needed that as the past 5 weeks had proven even more. Tamaris was more than happy for me to give it a go after she checked and had no problems with my blood pressure levels and my previous blood test results along with questions on possible past or present mental health issues.

The first two weeks on Duromine had me amazed with the energy levels i had and the lack of drowsiness even after a 5hr sleep's. In that two weeks i was visiting family for a week and discovered playing Bingo was a dangerous activity to participate in while on a pill that turns out to be the closest form of legal speed you can get, I'm proud to say iv never had any drug that has not been prescribed to me let alone something as strong as this. I got down to just 1 number at Bingo and the adrenalin just raced around like wild fire, and after BINGO was called by another player the room spun and i had to hold on for a moment. A few moments passed and i was fine but oh boy what a ride, the funniest part is the prise i had myself so worked up over, it was a whopping... hold on... you ready... it was a big $20... yes that's right, $20. But hey a win is a win, i would have gotten my money back and then more, could you imagine if this was the last game of $1000??? I'm sure 000 would have been called.

I check my weight regularly but I only record my weights on a Wednesday so it was two weeks after i started the Duromine that i recorded my first weight loss, and wow was i excited i had lost a total of 8kg in just the first 2 weeks, what was the next 9 going to do? if i was lucky to keep that up id be down around the 120kg mark by the time the 22nd September came. Not being so naive though i knew that the weight loss would slow down but this was a nice chunk gone.

I had to make an appointment with Tamaris at that stage too as i had a stitch that wanted to show up poking out of my tummy from a scare and i was not able to remove it myself, it also had caused a small infection that weeped. In the appointment i managed to get Tamaris was amazed of my 8kg i had lost in those 2 short weeks, she suggested i try taking the Duromine every 2nd day to see if that worked just as good or good enough. Tamaris got the stitch out for me but not before she dug deep into the scare to try and remove the knot that was preventing me from pulling it out on my own, i swore she thought i was on her operating table knocked out of it. It turns out i was having a slight reaction to the stitch she had used so Tamaris said she will use a different one next time, unfortunately Tamaris was not able to get all of the knot out so a drawing out cream was used to help over the next few days.

About 4 weeks after i started Duromine i started to have a bit of trouble breathing that had me a little worried so i sent an email off to let Tamaris know and to see what she wanted me to do.

(iv included the email for you)

Hello Tamaris,

It's Catherine Metcalf, I'm just following instructions to contact you about a possible side effect from Duromine. I seem to have a little trouble breathing, not really bad enough to feel i need to head to the hospital just yet, information in box just advised to let my Dr know ASAP, (if it gets worse and i have not heard back i will go to the hospital but not that bad at the min) it seems like I can't get enough air in or out and taking a nice deep breath is a struggle, It's as if i get most of the way and just stop. Sometimes when i try i can do a full deep breath, but minutes later i will want to do another one, I also seem to want to yawn a lot, not sure if I'm yawning because my body wants me to yawn or if I'm telling myself to yawn, trying to get that nice big deep breath... Now i can still exercise as normal and i don't have any other symptoms like chest pain, or pain anywhere else, no fever, no dizzy spells or fainting just NOTHING else that i can think of, just the odd breathing. The only 3 side effects that i myself am aware of and to me are good ones, i get a little fast with my speech, i don't feel the need for a afternoon nanna naps like i needed everyday since god knows how long, and i get one hell of a dry mouth but that part is great as it reminds me to drink more and when my body cant swallow anymore liquid i just suck on ice so I'm still getting the fluid. Now i noticed the breathing issue last night just after shopping, yesterday was what i call a "duromine day" a day that i simply forgot to eat, but this was my day's pattern yesterday. Wake at 7am to take tablet, doze back on the couch after a sleepless night (but nothing unusual for me), woke again at 11 had a shake for lunch (was kind of breakfast i guess), did my 10min on the exercise bike, played a little on the computer, did house work, watched a little TV, went shopping around 5.30pm, felt a little jittery in the supermarket as i forgot to eat, so i ate a banana plus a chicken snack wrap from McDonald's then kept shopping till 8pm as i felt fine after that... Throughout the day though i did drink water, not 100% confident it was enough as i ended up with a little head ach, the tiny one i get to tell me i haven't had enough fluid for the day. I didn't feel the breathing problem until around 11 just before bed time... woke this morning at 7 (good sleep) head ach gone, had lots fluid, had 2 toast for breakfast just incase i was my bodies way in telling me i was starving myself as my usual routine is breakfast = shake, lunch = small light snack, dinner = portion size plate of normal dinner, no snacking in between and i do need to remind myself to eat, thanks the Duromine... I also must add that i did a week of taking the Duromine every 2nd day but found it didn't work for me that way, was hungry all the time and never even lost 100gm in a week so i went back to everyday and i lost 2kg in this last week (just 10kg to go to reach your ask of 20kg)...

SO with thing's so mild, still as they were last night.

Do you think its anything to worry about at the moment?

Regards Catherine

I got a nice reply the very next morning

Dear Catherine

Thanks for your very detailed email. From the day's description of your

routine it doesn't sound as thought the breathlessness is significant.

The other symptoms such as dry mouth and rapid speech are pretty well

normal and you seem to be managing those quite well. If the

breathlessness is interfering with you ability to exercise then it does

become significant and you need to stop the duromine and let me know

immediately. Otherwise you sound as though you are doing extremely well

and I am very proud how you have been handling everything so well. Look

forward to seeing you again soon.

regards

tamaris.

Things all cleared up within a week with each day better than the last so there was no need to take it any further.

In the time between my operation that didn't work and the new operation i had the task to loose 20kg for my Dr who was not able to get in far enough to place the Lap-Band the first time around. 13 weeks after the first operation i had a total of a 20kg loss which was great, it was something i never thought i could achieve without the band in place, 7kg of that though was before the operation and dose not count towards the 20kg so i still had 7kg to go with just 3 weeks to do it in. I became unhappy and lost, i had a number of people who were saying the right things and assured me they were their for me, but i just could not shake the pain and anxiety i had towards the thought i was not doing enough, that the band wont go in again. It was a feeling i didn't want, it was different from last time where i had no worries or concerns of the chance it was not going to work.

(this is copy of a post i put on an Australian Lap-Band forum i am a member of)

Carefree but very lost

"Hi all, i was replying to a post in another topic and finally my thoughts finally came out unconsciously and after reading what i typed i thought i might just have to suck up my pride and admit im human too... I'v always been known for the person who lends an ear and/or a shoulder when needed and absorb the woe-is-me moment of all that are in need of it (and i admit i know this is one of the things about me i like and i do really pride myself on it), maybe this is the time i need to have a woe-is-me moment (even if i do feel im just being silly...) so i thought i needed a whole new topic just for it...

I do try to take on bored what people tell me but i dont feel im doing to great even after i get told by everyone that i am... to be honest im crapping my pants of the thought of going under and it still not work cause i haven't lost enough but bloody hell this is hard, with just 3 weeks to go now and for my Dr's ask of 20kg loss after the last op at 165kg, i still need to loose 7kg (just over 2kg a week from now, and im on a 1kg per week track at the min and have been for a while now...) this part is the part that sucks cause i have a dead line so i feel this is the reason im not enjoying the weight loss as much as i should, im normally happy-go-lucky with a lot of carefree chucked in there too but for the first time since forever i am actually starting to stress and can not wait till the band is in for real, i am hoping my appointment next Tuesday with my Dr will ease the stress (hope it wont add to it though)... I want to show support to all who need it but cant get back in the right head space to connect my head & heart with my focus, so im sorry to all for that but please, please know i really do care and do think of you all going though tough times at the min... AHHHH im so annoyed with myself for even feeling this way. I was just about to delete what iv just typed but i need to keep true to myself as much as i can or it will just be hiding away and eating me up even more... i am keeping positive as much as i can but grrrr im just so frustrated and lost..."

After my appointment with Tamaris i was back up on top of the moon when Tamaris told me that the 20kg she wanted me to lose was from the first time i saw her. So i made it with 20kg exactly from the first time Tamaris weighed me. Tamaris was so pleased with me making me feel better about thing's but still testing me by asking if i still wanted the operation or just continue with the tablets and shakes, but she got my very Stern and truthful "NO thanks, i WANT this operation, i NEED this operation" and with that Tamaris seemed to be pleased also. I spoke to Tamaris about my concerns about it not working again with, ''What if the tools are still not long enough?'' and "What if the band wont fit?" but again Tamaris put my mind at ease assuring me with her very confident and straight line answer of "They WILL be and the band WILL fit" Tamaris has this kind and caring nature about her and speaks the truth and wont beat around the bush. Tamaris also told me she would do her best to make sure the needle is out but if she is not able to i was reassured it wont cause any problems if it remains in place. This time i was not so truthful with Tamaris with saying ok that's alright, cause what i really wanted to say is "No please don't leave it no matter what, Open me right up if you need to, I want it gone, it scares the crap out of me" but i didn't i let Tamaris believe i was happy with this.

The next two weeks seemed to just fly by as i did my best to keep busy, i went and helped my brother and sister inlaw clean and pack for their big move from Seymour (middle of Victoria) to Newcastle (just out of Sydney). On the way there though i stopped off at Wangaratta to get a cup holder for my car as it was not equipped with one. I went to leave the car park of Supper Cheap Auto (yes i know i seem to like this place) all of a sudden my car had smoke leaking out of every crack and joint in the dash area so i quickly grabbed my bag and tool the key's out of the ignition and seeked help from one of the staff at Super Cheap Auto. The car had stopped smoking but it wouldn't start, so my Mum and Dad came to pick me up who lived an hour and forty minutes away and then the car was taken the next morning by an Auto Electrician who ended up asking for me to get my insurance company out to assess it as it may be classed as a write off, and it was. So back down to one car for now but an unreliable car we were left with that had its own demons. Still i wouldn't let this effect me and my determination to go ahead with the band on the set date. Nothing and no one was going to stop nor put back my new life.